Tiny Diggers – An iPad Construction Truck Game for Kids Age 2-5

I wanted this game from the moment I clapped eyes on the cover art. I wanted it more when I saw the evil duplicity of the website. Then I got the review copy, complete with an adult nappy (that’s diaper to you, Americans) marked SERIOUSLY. JUST TRUST ME and then I momentarily reconsidered.

Only momentarily, mind.

Besides: I had to play this ASAP. No excuses – adult incontinence be damned. Yes, this review is coming to you late but for once, you can’t blame me. A volcano and stranded flights in and out of Europe meant that air freight took a hit over recent weeks and my delivery of Dementium II got somewhat delayed. By the time it arrived, I was using said extra as an extra large absorbent tissue to soak up my tears of relief.

Anyway. Shall I get on with it?

So, what’s there to say about the first thirty of Dementium II? To be honest? Not much. Half hour into the game and I don’t know a hell of a lot more than I did before I started. I know that I’m William Redmoor, a criminally insane patient at the Bright Dawn Treatment Centre, and I know that my life is … colourful. And by colourful, I mean populated by screaming insanity and weird-ass monsters that may or may not be figments of my imagination or side effects of my, ahem, ‘treatment’.

After reconfiguring the settings to take account of my left-handedness, I was even able to deal with the weird-ass monsters just as video game law dictates: by shooting and stabbing the bejesus out of them until they went away. Thing is, like some other psychological titles – think Silent Hill or Penumbra – I admit that right now I have no idea if I’m mowing down real demons or unfortunate civilians snared up in my delusionary rampage. Nor do I have any clue as to WHAT THE FECK IS GOING ON. Redmoor fluctuates from a seemingly stable to reality to a nightmarish delusion and the only constant is that each existence seems populated by people trying to kill me. Awesome.

So what about the fact that this is a horror FPS running on a portable system? Let’s face it – the DS isn’t known for its macabre catalogue, and it’s difficult to envisage how immersive – or responsive – a horror title can be on such a platform, even given the relative success of this title’s predecessor. The verdict is good news; Renegade Kid have produced a surprisingly robust control scheme. And whilst I did spend most of the first boss battle swearing at the screen because the double-tap was a tad unresponsive and I was gently chugging along when I should have been running for my life, combat – at least up until this point – seems reasonable enough. And as a Silent Hill fan, I’m also enjoying the creature design. Sure, the environments lack the WTFness of Konami’s finest – not to mention their distinct lack of originality or substance – but the monsters encountered to date are just gross enough – and weird enough – to elicit a yelp or two. Coupled by a worthy soundtrack, great sound effects and an intriguing narrative, I can’t wait to see what the next few hours will bring …