Issue #239 arrives about a year too late to cash in on the Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull craze, and about fifteen years too late for anybody to give a crap about Indiana Jones in the first place.

Yes, the cover story teased last issue with a map of Indiana is in fact a new Indy game, a waggle-heavy nostalgia fest called Staff of Kings. Can Nintendo Power make us love Indy Jones all over again? Read-a-long?

Issue #239, March 2009
featuring Indiana Jones and the Staff of Kings (Wii), The Conduit (Wii), Boom Blox: Bash Party (Wii), Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor (DS), Major Minor’s Majestic March (Wii), Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars (Wii/DS)

OK, I need a researcher assisting me on these articles. Because the seven page feature on Indy begins with this quote from lead designer Stephanie Brochu: “Indiana Jones is perhaps one of the best video game licenses out there.” Come again? For serious? What past Indiana Jones video game was anything much above mediocre? Is there a single Indy game anywhere near the greatest video games of all time?

Anyway, Staff of Kings seems to be gunning for the most motion controls packed into a single Wii game. Every time you turn the page, the feature is crowing about another “immersive” gesture. You punch enemies by swinging the Remote and/or Nunchuk. Light a torch with a flint-striking motion. Shake to scramble up a cliff. Shake to reload your gun. Fly a plane by holding the Remote like a joystick. And of course B+swing flicks the whip. I’m tired just thinking about it.

Interested in something beyond the waggle? How about the ability to smash up an aquarium in a bar fight, and then chuck a liberated octopus at an enemy?

‘Cause that’s one of the game’s signature elements… providing Indy with a roomful of interactive objects that can be utilized in a fight. I’ll classify octopi-abuse as a Plus for Staff of Kings, even if it probably initiates some insane Remote hand motion to do it.

Staff of Kings also includes a two-player co-op adventure (wholly separate from the main quest) that features Indy and (presumably) his father. Two four-player modes allow for multiplayer tank and plane battles. And a secret unlockable is something “that will make old school gamers very happy.” What, like the sort-of-rare N64 version of Indiana Jones and the Infernal Machine?

Before we continue, let’s look at the back cover. It’s an ad for Sonic and the Black Night, which we learned a few issues ago is now part of a Sonic sub-brand, the “Sonic Storybook Series.”

Aw, they even have a Storybook logo at bottom right! Let’s take a closer look…

Oh settle down, Sonic apologists. It seems that Sonic and the Black Knight is something akin to not bad at all… NP gives the game an 8.0 in this very issue. It’s just that every time I see Sonic with a sword, or turning into a wolf, or being driven like ExciteTruck, it reminds me how fall the guy has fallen. While Mario’s sidestories are generally memorable and acclaimed (Paper, RPG, Kart, Tennis, Golf… and at least half of the Party run), Sonic just keeps twisting in the wind. The war is over: Mario has won.

The DSi arrives this April, and a key reason of why you’d want to upgrade is the all-new DSiWare store. Just like the Wii’s Shop Channel, you’ll be able to purchase and download a variety of new games and apps. (No word yet on Virtual Console-style retro games, eh?) Prices range from free to around $8.

NP names some of the games that have already arrived to Japanese DSi owners… like shortened versions of old retail releases like Clubhouse Games and Master of Illusion. DSiWare will also bring new iterations of Brain Age. Can you believe it’s taken Nintendo this long to flog Brain Age beyond two DS games?

Perhaps the most interesting name in this initial rush is the return of WarioWare. All WarioWares circle a new interaction gimmick, and this DSiWare version will be based on the DSi’s dual cameras. Old WarioWare fans may be interested to know that two previous WarioWare minigames, Paper Plane and Pyoro, will show up on DSiWare as fully functional separate downloadables.

“Planting seeds in the rich dirt of my mind” is how artist Rodney Greenblat describes his relationship with Masaya Matsuura. Just as this team approached PS1 classics like PaRappa the Rapper and UmJammer Lammy, so have they built Major Minor’s Majestic March. IE, Matsuura comes up with the game and Greenblat does the “whimsilogical” art direction. M4 is a rhythm game where you must use the Remote as a marching band baton. Perhaps surprisingly – especially after the custom songs that made PaRappa oh so memorable – M4 uses licensed and public domain tunes.

Nintendo Power has a one page interview with Greenblat that is just plain hilarious. When asked why he hasn’t worked with any other game designers, he says “None of them have asked me.” And when he suggested using human characters in M4 instead of animals, “Matsuura preferred animals. He is the leader, so I went with animals.”

The results are in on the 2008 Nintendo Power Awards, and as you’d guess, Super Smash Bros Brawl won all six categories in which it was nominated. NP readers know that the mag pulls a weird switch on their annual awards… they ask the fans to vote, but the final result goes to the editors’ picks regardless. A democracy, this ain’t. So let’s look at some the more interesting arenas where the mag’s staff and the bourgeoisie seriously differed…

Best Music/Rhythm Game… 40% of voters picked Guitar Hero World Tour; 27% said Rock Band 2 The editors gave the award to Rock Band 2, noting the game to be “slightly superior.” Is that like one of those “jumbo shrimp” kind of things?

If the Nintendo fan populace had their way, No More Heroes would have won nothing. And that’s because none of them played it. NP gave No More Heroes awards for Best Sound/Voice Acting, Best Adventure Game, and Best New Character. Your Friend Code-loving fanboys gave those away to Strong Bad, Okami, and Somebody from Sonic Chronicles, respectively.

And in other Third Party news, a whopping 56% of voters chose Mario Super Sluggers as Best Sports Game, over the editorial pick of Tiger Woods 09 All-Play… which garnered a mere 5% of the popular vote.

Shop Channel Staff Picks: Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse (NES), Phantasy Star IV (Genesis), Zoda’s Revenge: Startropics II (NES)

Top scoring Wii review: Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon, 8.5 (all scores out of 10)
Top scoring DS review: Dragon Quest V: Hand of the Heavenly Bride, 8.5
Lowest rated Wii review: We Ski and Snowboard, 6.5
Lowest rated DS review: My World, My Way and Boing! Docomodake DS, tied at 7.0

It’s already better than Drawn to Life: Scribblenauts, coming to DS late this year, lets you solve environmental problems by writing the word of the item you need. Like, “ladder” or “axe” or “Swedish Bikini Team.”

It’s already better than Endless Ocean: Let’s Tap, that tapping game from Yuji Naka, is in fact coming to the US, against all possible odds or reason. It’s coming this summer, and it will be only $30.

It’s already better than Pokemon Pearl/Diamond: Pokemon Platinum, the expected third release to the DS Pokemon generation, has some pretty nifty upgrades. Aside from the usual tweaked story and bonus characters (Shaymin! Origin Forme Giratina!), there’s a new Wi-Fi Plaza that looks like a bitchin’ amusement park. Plus, you can upload videos of your best battles!

It’s already better than FOX News: The alien enemies that storm into Washington DC in The Conduit are called “The Drudge.” Is that some kind of political joke? (Good news: The Conduit supports the Wii Speak mic for voice chat with Friends!)

Next month in Nintendo Power… a cover story on Pokemon Platinum and MadWorld reviewed. This issue is sure to confound parents everywhere about them vidja games!