Read-a-long with Nintendo Power #238 (February 2009)

By Joe Fourhman | January 28, 2009

This is a tough one for me, personally. It’s a special all-RPG issue, which is not a genre I frequent. It’s not that I have anything against RPGs; it’s just rare that I find a reason to dive into one. So I know just from the cover that this will not be a favorite issue. I’m not a fan of these single-genre stunt issues.

But maybe you’ll find something to chew on, as I find out if the issue lives up to editor Chris Slate’s opening promise that the issue is “jam-packed with amazing games of all types.” Spoiler: it is not. But read-a-long anyway!

Issue #238, February 2008
featuring Phantasy Star 0 (DS), Valkyrie Profile: Covenant of the Plume (DS), Sands of Destruction (DS), Dragon Quest V (DS), Arc Rise Fantasia (Wii), Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon (DS), Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Echoes of Time (Wii/DS)

Nintendo Power’s extended RPG coverage is loosely connected by some sidebar features and infographics. Although the preview articles are done in the typical breathless fanboy style, there’s a wink to the non-fan in the form of an ongoing “RPG Cliche Checklist.” Each game is silently noted as to whether it contains such genre conventions as “Spiky-haired protagonist,” “Technology is evil,” and “Events foretold by prophecy.” I’m not sure there’s a need for that snarky ‘tude, especially when it is juxtaposed to the serious expose of each new game. It’s sort of like the 2008 mandate that NP had to include a “Boy, GameCube was the suxxors” snipe in every issue. Let’s blame this on some weird editorial fluke.

Anyway, what can I say about these games. Phantasy Star 0 for DS is more like PSO and less like PSUniverse, but the game’s producer Satoshi Sakai will not yet say if or how 0 fits in to the established Phantasy Star canon. The game will support four players over Nintendo WFC or local wireless, with no regional lockouts.

We’re still fighting the demons of online hookups, however. I’d like to explain this paragraph to you, but I’m not sure I can.

[Communication] is easier than ever thanks to one of PS0’s coolest new features – visual chat. Using the stylus, you can draw any type of message you want. … It should be noted that if you’re playing with strangers, communication is limited to keyboard chat and premade symbols.

So, if you exchange Friend Codes, you can draw penises to each other… but if you’re not official Friends, you just have to settle for an ASCII wang?

Incidentally, on page 42, NP refers to the Dreamcast as “underappreciated.” Some days, I’m still caught off guard by Nintendo Power saying things like that.

The best confusing screenshot caption ever. This is a block of photos from Arc Rise Fantasia, a title described as “Wii’s first original RPG epic.” Click the image to enlarge, note the caption in gray, and then try to figure out which screenshot it is referring to.

We respectfully disagree, sir!

It’s 2004 all over again. Look, I was totally there for Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles. I had the game, three GBAs and all the requisite cabling. Then once I realized that the promised drop-in, drop-out multiplayer didn’t quite work as advertised (new players showed up too weak to compete alongside my main character), I fell off the wagon. So I’m still feeling burned when I look at the fourth Crystal Chronicles game, Echoes of Time on DS and Wii. Like PS0, Echoes will let four players join up over WiFi.

Although, I’m a complete sucker for the tech here… a game that Wii and DS owners can play together, online, thanks to the Wii getting a bizarre sideways port that puts two DS screens on the TV with an adjustable picture-in-picture motif. So yeah, the Wii version totally looks like a DS game. Still, neat idea, right? I could see myself dusting off my Selkie pride and getting talked into this purchase if a pal went in with me. I’d probably go for the DS version.

Nintendo Power’s List of What’s Good and What’s Bad about Dead Rising: Chop Till You Drop

See if this table makes or breaks your waffles on this contentious Wii title.

Shop Channel Staff Picks: Strong Bad Episode 5 (WiiWare), Space Invaders Get Even (WiiWare)

Top scoring Wii review: Fishing Master: World Tour, 7.5 (all scores out of 10)
Top scoring DS review: Legacy of Ys: Books I & II, 7.5
Lowest rated Wii review: NASCAR Kart Racing, 6.0
Lowest rated DS review: The Lord of the Rings: Conquest and The Chase: Felix Meets Felicity, tied at 5.0

Assassining not quite as good as Fishing: Tenchu: Shadow Assassins, one of those M-rated console exclusives that arrived to much buzz when it was announced last year, could not even best a fishing game in NP’s eyes. The fourth Tenchu game scored 7.0.

Who writes this stuff? The article on Sands of Destruction contains a nod to 1980s band Mr. Mister and no less than three references to Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace. The only connection between Phantom Menace and Sands of Destruction is that both feature sand.

He’s coming to America! Marth, long one of the Never Heard of ‘Im characters in Smash Melee and Smash Brawl, is finally showing up in his native environment… in a new DS version of the first Fire Emblem game, which was originally (and only) a Famicom release.

Seriously, another one of these? Hey, a third Guitar Hero game coming to DS! No longer using the subtitle “On Tour,” Guitar Hero Modern Hits is coming in March and will deliver 28 songs. The first Guitar Hero DS game was released SIX MONTHS AGO, proving the entire sub-franchise is little more than boxed, full-price DLC. Better hurry and enjoy this one before you trade up for a DSi.

Hey, wait a minute: Both of the RPGs that I’m interested in, Muramasa (Wii) and My World, My Way (DS) received exactly zero coverage in this special RPG issue. Crap.

Next month in Nintendo Power… a classic last page tease. They call it “an exciting discovery” and show a Google Earth map with one specific area marked with a yellow question mark. What does this mean? If we keep predicting EarthBound, one of these days we’ll be right.