Brainwashed by Halo

By Bill Tangeman | October 16, 2008

For the past several months, the only video game I have played has been Halo 3 multiplayer.  There literally hasn’t been another disc in my 360 tray since July.  Meanwhile, the PS3 and Wii have gathered dust.  The funny thing is, I really don’t know how it happened.  I used to make fun of the Halo fanatics.  Then, somehow, I became one.  

It might have gone on like this indefinitely, but fortunately something intervened to break me out of my Halo hypnosis.  It wasn’t the hand of God that awakened me from my stupor, but rather, a new message that appeared in my 360 mailbox.  ”You’ve got some Halo skills,” the message said.  ”Come join our competitive Halo 3 league,” the message said.  I actually considered joining up.  Instead, I woke up.  I went out and bought a copy of Dead Space.  And I’m proud to say that I am well into the second chapter.

Wake up fellow Haloholics!  The best games of the year are upon us!  It’s time to hang up our battle rifles and move on.  See the twelve steps to beating your Halo addiction after the break.

Haloholics Anonymous 12 Step Plan

1.  We admit we are powerless over Halo – that our lives have become unmanageable.

2.  We come to believe that a Power greater than Master Chief can restore our sanity.

3.  We make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft, among other gaming gods, as we understand them.

4.  We make a searching and fearless inventory of the gaming industry.

5.  We admit to our chosen gaming god, to ourselves, and to another gamer the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.  We are entirely ready to have the gaming industry remove all of these defects of character.

7.  We humbly ask Gamestop, Gamefly, or another video game outlet to remove our shortcomings.

8.  We make a list of the games we have not played, and become willing to play them all.

9.  We make direct amends to other gamers wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or other gamers.

10.   We continue to take a regular inventory of the weekly release schedule, and when there is a game that deserves to be played, we promptly admit it. 

11.  We seek through playing a variety of games to improve our gamer score. 

12.  With our gamer awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to other Haloholics, and practice these principles in all our gaming affairs.