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My Pokemon Ranch was met by the gaming world with the usual range of internet responses: from dismissive shrugs all the way to frothing rage. Since it’s Pokemon, since it’s Nintendo, since it’s on the Wii, and since it looks like an N64 game, My Pokemon Ranch has already been under-reviewed, poorly-explained, and instantly reviled. In the interest of Pokequality, I wanted to spend a week with this $10 WiiWare download and offer up a more thorough examination of the game… something a little more involved than “Pokemon Ranch? More like Pokemon Crap!”

Part of the problem with the perception of My Pokemon Ranch comes from the previous generation’s Pokemon “tool”, the GameCube’s Pokemon Box. Pokemon Box was a limited release non-game, designed specifically for hardcore Pokefans who wanted additional storage space for the critters they collected in the Game Boy Advance series of Pokemon games. Although the overall package was attractive – the game, an exclusive memory card, and a GameCube/GBA link cable, all for only $20 – Pokemon Box was exactly what it said it was. A box. You could transfer pokemon from your GBA games to the Box memory card. That’s about it.

So does My Pokemon Ranch deliver worthwhile content, or is it just another Box? I’m not even going to make you click through to find out: the answer is yes.

Let’s start with the graphics, because everybody else already has. Yes, things look a little… sparse?

The apologist response is to point out that this is an attempt to present the various pocket monsters in the graphically-simplified Mii style. But more importantly, the Pokemon franchise currently contains almost 500 different critters, all of whom needed brand new 3D models for Ranch. The entire game is 123 blocks, a size that is already at the upper end of Virtual Console games. (For comparison’s sake, Starfox 64 is a 134 block VC file.) Now add to that pokemon varieties with multiple forms… like the 28 Unown, the species with different color schemes and markings, and the slight differences between males and females of the same type… which are all represented in My Pokemon Ranch. That’s a pokeTON of characters that all need to be presented accurately or risk fanboy entitlement outrage.

Remember, we’re talking the system that seized the world’s mindshare largely on the strength of Wii Sports bowling, where most of the Miis don’t even have legs. Complaints about graphical fidelity on a downloadable Pokemon title seem a little unwelcome.

When you first enter Ranch, you meet Hayley… the ranch’s owner. Hayley’s goal in life is to run a truly spectacular ranch, and naturally she wants your help. Your ranch – which takes on the name of your Wii; remember naming your Wii back when you first set it up? – will start out small and grow every day that you add pokemon to it. Every time the ranch expands, Hayley gleefully explains that you can now top it off with more critters and more Miis. Yes, Miis. You and your friends and family can also walk around the ranch, interacting with the pokemon.

Hayley starts things off with six of her pokemon, and if you own Pokemon Diamond or Pearl for your DS, you’re immediately invited to import your own hand-raised monsters via Wii-DS WiFi. Pokemaniacs take note: pokemon shifted from your DS game can easily be moved back, so there’s little risk of losing your darlings. Additionally, if a pokemon was holding an item when you deposited it in the ranch, it will still have it when you bring it back to your DS. You can even transfer an unhatched pokemon egg to the ranch, although I am not yet sure what that does.

Once Hayley knows you have a DS game, she will post WANTED signs for certain types. She selects her wanted types by peeking at your DS game’s pokedex and finding monsters you do not yet own. The wanted board then gives you hints on how to find these elusive pokemon, creating a very helpful support program for catching ‘em all. When you find one of the wanted critters and drop it off at the ranch (don’t take too long; you only have ten days), Hayley will then offer to trade one of her pokemon for the one she asked for. However, though she will add new pokemon to the ranch every day, including some rare types, she will not trade absolutely everything away. That’s according to most online rumor sites. She’s kind of a tease that way. Gimme that Dusknoir!

Once you have plenty of pokemon roaming the ranch grounds, the game devolves into a spectator sport. The characters, pokemon and Miis alike, wander the fenced enclosure, randomly interacting with each other. They’ll go for piggyback rides, perform simple attack animations, carry your Mii through the air, even display Animal Crossing-esque visualized emotions (such as little purple storm clouds to illustrate depression). With the camera on the default Auto Mode, you’ll see strange onscreen text messages related to the random antics like “Is JOE interested in PIKACHU?” or “ZUBAT is taking a stroll.” You can select a character for the camera to follow by navigating a list with the d-pad. After a few days you unlock Free Mode, which lets you control the camera’s position, pan and zoom.

Although you can’t directly control anyone, you can swing the Remote to create a tornado swirl or bouncing earthquake. After Free Mode is enabled, you can do the Remote pinch (A + B) to move characters around the ranch, a la the Mii Channel. Eventually you start getting toy boxes, which contain various gizmos for your pals. One day we received a Parade Drum, which a nearby Mii will bolt towards and start a group march. My three-year-old son loves the drum so much that he only wants HIS Mii to use it. Should Hayley or any other Mii start using it, he demands we pinch the drum away from them.

My Pokemon Ranch offers a photography mode that is the best yet on Wii. We’ve already seen games that allow you to save screenshots to the Wii Message Board for mailing to your Wii Friends (Metroid Prime 3, Mario Galaxy, Pokemon Snap), and we’ve seen at least one game that lets you save screens to an SD card for backup (Smash Brawl). Ranch combines both into a feature that should really be system-level. You can snap up to 20 photos of your pokemon and Miis cavorting away, and then save them to either your Wii Message Board or your SD card. Unlike Brawl, the photos put to the SD card show up as normal JPGs, so there’s no need to convert them. Ranch pics even directly import into photo management programs like iPhoto. All of the screenshots in this article are straight from my personal Pokemon Ranch!

MPR has some curious connectivity features that are poorly documented. They are all opt-in, which I suppose is to protect kids from penis-face Miis. One choice allows you to share ranch info with friends, but I have yet to see that in action even though I have at least one Wii Friend with Pokemon Ranch. The other choice is to allow Guests, which I think lets other Miis visit you and invite you to travel to their Ranches. So far, I’ve only seen a few NPC characters (like Bobbie, who took me to her ranch filled with nothing but Bidoofs), not any “real” Miis. There is an amusing effort to make the NPC Miis resemble their favorite pokemon, as seen here with Tanner and his ranch full of Tauros.

In a week, I’ve developed a level 10 ranch with a capacity of 200 pokemon and 15 Miis. And yes, Ranch has me into Pokemon Pearl addiction again, which I have not seriously played in a year. I just want Hayley to be proud of me, all right?

Speaking as a dedicated Pokefreak, the DS interactivity justifies the price… which, after Pokemon Box, was the main question I wanted answered that nobody online seemed to confront. It’s another layer of value for your Diamond/Pearl game. I like the challenge of fulfilling Hayley’s Wanted list, and her hints mean less time clicking through strategy guides. I also hope to abuse her generosity and score some good trades. The constant cycle of what-will-she-bring-tomorrow has already engendered an Animal Crossing level interest where I need to boot the game every day in anticipation of seeing some rares. The Mii integration and the screenshot ability are the other two legs holding up the package.

And I’ll be honest. I think the super-deformed pokemon are incredibly cute.

It should go without saying that My Pokemon Ranch is for Pokemon fans. Got that? I mean, if you didn’t like Crash Bandicoot 1 or 2, you probably didn’t give #3 a go. So if you’re not already presold on Pokemon, you might as well ignore this li’l WiiWare. MPR tries to provide value for players who do not own Pokemon Pearl or Diamond by allowing you to interact solely with Hayley’s pokemon collection (and in fact, it might be a nice stopgap for young gamers who want to be in on the Pokemon scene but whose parents balk at the underpinnings of the core series)… but the game is best enjoyed by those who do own the DS games.

Now attack me, Internet. My Ranch is waiting for you.