Tiny Diggers – An iPad Construction Truck Game for Kids Age 2-5

As a self-proclaimed veteran player of the Smash Brothers series, I thought I would give my four cents (since my opinion is twice that of the normal blowhard) on its controls, anger inducing online lag, and overall feel. Although some of this gibberish might have been spat at you before, this time it comes with twice as much offensive diatribes. Before I delve face first into the unfilled swimming pool that is internet criticism, I would like to say that I like the game. In fact, there was no way I could not enjoy the game. In my book it hovers between a 9 and 10, oscillating like a fine sine curve. Regardless, it still has potential issues for the old bastards out there.

First of all, the controls seem to be spot on as long as you have a Gamecube controller. As a disclaimer, I spent many hours with melee, molding my hands to the cobbled together abortion that is the Gamecube controller. Because of this, and the way my failing brain is wired as a result, I was unable to easily translate my past experiences to the new controls. Furthermore, veterans of the series will have a hard time converting their fighting styles (mine is primarily based on dodging) to the malformed retardations that are the alternate control schemes. The lone wii-mote scheme is especially troublesome since the trigger B button is now used for dodging and the only way to jump is by using the up button on the d-pad, both actions alone are nearly impossible for an old hat to pull off. This is not to say that beginners could not easily learn the game with the new controls, but for this old crank, my money is on the ‘cube controller. The easiest of the new control schemes for a veteran to haphazardly pull off is the more symmetric, less cobbled abortion that is the classic controller, but if you have not bought one yet I would not waste the money.

Second, a new component of play for the veteran is the online functionality which was nothing but the pipe dream of some classic Xbox live pedophile back in the ‘cube days. Being wary, I entered my first online match with three man-children who would soon become my enemies. Two of these burly unwashed devolutions flanked me while one played comfortably from the old folk’s prison that is the state of Florida. The first match started and unfortunately, the expected lag was in force like so many fascist LA police officers circa 1990. The normal rhythm I had become accustomed to in Melee was transformed into epileptic bouts of randomized speed changes resulting in half-second miscalculations and ultimate failure on my part. Luckily, successive online matches led to much more tolerable lag, or at least I had become used to it, allowing me to win with skeptical newcomers King Dedede, Captian Olimar, and Meta Knight, the latter of which seems to be the best in the bunch.

Finally, a comment on the overall feel of the game. To me, something seemed to be amiss. Perhaps, there were too many items that allow an almost communistic redistribution of damage based more on luck than skill. Perhaps, the rogues’ gallery of ridiculous fighters is too much to get a handle on. Even some of the physics (if you can call it that) along with the classic Melee mechanics seemed to have been tweaked enough to surprise my once sharp tactical mind. And it is possible, that the Ritalin popping children of today can handle the insanity that occurs on screen, but for my failing eyes, concentrating on the madness in front of me became difficult at times. Regardless, the game is great, and I look forward to putting many hours into mastering new characters while becoming accustomed to the fine changes, as long as I have my aborted ‘cube controller that is.