Tiny Diggers – An iPad Construction Truck Game for Kids Age 2-5

The phone rings. I pick it up. I hear people in the background, and the person on the other end takes a few moments to speak. “Mr. Munn?”

I sigh. “Yes.”

“Hi this is Cablevision, calling about your –”

Flat, “Yes.”

“–Optimum Online internet service. How are you doing tonight?”

Darkly, “Yes.”

He chuckles a bit. “I’d like to talk to you about our triple play.”

“Don’t need it.”

“How much does your phone cost you?”

“17 bucks a month.”

He senses an opening. “Ah but with our triple play, unlimited dial tone.”

“Mine, too. I pick it up and the dial tone doesn’t stop.” He laughs and I lighten up and say “Good luck, man, but I’m not interested tonight. Thanks for calling.”

He bows out gracefully. “S’ok. Have a good one.”

I hang up the phone. Even with Do Not Call they take the only opening they can get — a previous business relationship.

I glance across the room at the stack of games I have to choose from, and get a sudden sinking feeling. What if… What if all of those publishers for all those games I bought could call me to telemarket their next games?

My phone rings, and I pick it up. A happy voice leaps out: “Hi, this is Capcom. We’d like to thank you for choosing Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition for the PS2, but tonight I’d like to talk to you about your Monster Hunter Freedom for the PSP–”

“But I rented–”

“And thank you sir for choosing Monster Hunter Freedom and for playing it online!”

“Uh you’re welcome.” I must have clicked Agree to something. I should really read–

“Listen, Paul, we’ve got the new Monster Hunter Freedom 2 coming to the US in September.”

“It’s March.”

“Yes, we are accepting pre-orders for *BEEEP*”

“Oh hold a second on I have a beep.” I switch lines. Please be work, somebody, anybody.

“Mr. Munn?” came a gruff, serious voice. I look at the clock reflexively. It sounds like the police. My wife’s been out awfully long. Has something happened? “This is he.”

“This is Rockstar. We’d like to thank you for your support last year with Liberty City Stories–”

I had to level with him. “Look, I sold that game for the PSP, it was terrible playing without an extra analog…” I pause, getting a twinge of fear. The gruff man didn’t like what I was saying. “B-but I did buy it for the PS2 and I like it, Tony Cipriani’s a great character!”

“Thank you sir. And your loyal support with San Andreas, Vice City, and GTA3 is also appreciated. We’d–”

“Oh I loved San Andreas. You know I really liked how you level up in that game with driving and weapon skills, you know?” I was blathering on. I think he wasn’t mad at me any more. “Please go on.”

“Weee’d like you to know about a special offer today, just $19.99 for Vice City Stories for the PS2. Can I put you down for a copy?”

I hear another beep, I look at the LCD on the back of the handset and turn it back over again. “Look, Rockstar, that’s Konami on the other line. Can I call you back?”

Image credit: Circuit City.