Viva Pi√±ata is one of the happiest games ever made. It’s happy, not just because it involves cute little animals like baby squirrels, ants, and deer (so cutely named, Doe-nuts, awww), but because it plays and sounds as beautifully as it looks. I gave it a very critical 4 out of 5 score in my review but I have to now ask myself the question, can I lower a game’s score because of the packaging?

You see, I’m convinced that Rare enlisted the services of The Angel of Darkness himself to devise the most horrendous video game package ever constructed. Beezlebud rode a molten eruption of fire and brimstone straight up to Rare’s home office, squeased tortured souls from between his butt cheeks all over a wad of hard plastic and magically, the case was formed.

To get Viva Pi√±ata out of it’s plastic shell, you have to actually open four different individual packages or what I now call, “Tests”. Let’s begin:

For Test #1, the game ships with a decorated plastic sleeve, which only slips down off the outer shell. Thankfully, the edges of this sleeve are razor sharp, it’s a kids game after all.

For Test #2, Satan really got tricky, as he forces us to pop open the case VERTICALLY. This is of course, is in contrast to every other video game package known to man which opens horizontally. Lucifer cursed this piece of the package, as the shell will not open until the gamer is at the brink of total insanity, or if they’ve previously cut themselves on the plastic sleeve. If both happen, which is quite common, you get nothing. Satan designed the case after all and as you know, he’s not big on prizes.

Just as your bloody fingernails pry the plastic apart, the outer shell erupts open. All of the original registration papers and bonus discs are now flopping out of the case and onto the floor. You rush to keep that from happening, but it only makes things worse. You begin to toss the package and it’s contents through the air like a drunken clown juggles bowling pins. The entire torture device eventually takes flight and lands on the floor a few feet from you. You gather yourself, then gather the case with it’s now-scattered entrails and continue to Test #3.

Test #3 is a cardboard flip-top case that opens horizontally. You gingerly pry the plastic shell apart wide enough to flip open the cardboard sleeve. All the while balancing a different piece of the case on each finger. The razor-sharp, clear plastic sleeve, the hard plastic shell, the previously ejected registration paperwork and bonus DVD, all in two hands while you try and reach in and remove the disc.

Test #4, is the final test. You must reach into the case and somehow apply enough pressure on the plastic clasp holding the disc from the center. Slowly and carefully you extend your pinky finger, the only available digit, and pop the disk free. It rolls out of the case and hopefully, drops onto a pillow you setup on the floor previously.

This is my own personal Hell, each and every time I have to play this excellent game I must go through this nightmare. I hope Rare reads this and avoids such deals with Satan in the future, as I don’t believe my shattered soul can take it. There have been numerous times that I’ve avoided even playing Hopefully, if you have been tortured by this case yourself, you can ease my pain by telling me below.