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Home » Articles, Culture, WTF?

An Interview With A Cheater

Submitted by on September 15, 2006 – 6:46 am224 Comments

interviewwithcheater.jpgAbout 2 weeks ago I popped Halo 2 into my 360 and started playing some Big Team Battle. The very first game I played in I got modded, a.k.a. cheated on, by a guy whom we will refer to as ‘Schmuck5000′. After the game was over I asked him if he would agree to do an interview for Aeropause. At first he thought it was just a joke but I eventually got him to message me his e-mail. I then sent him an e-mail interview to fill out. What is written below is completely unedited from what I received from Schmuck5000. Please excuse any spelling or grammar errors. I thought it was important to show the intelligence of cheaters. I am very surprised that he e-mailed me back the answers. Some of the questions were fairly harsh.

Aeropause: How old are you and where are you from?

Schmuck5000: I am 24 years old and I live in central Texas.

Aeropause: Besides Halo 2 are there any other games at which you cheat?

Schmuck5000: I play BF2 and some Counter Strike. I cheat at both but it’s hard to get away with in Counter Strike. People who play CS are such babies about that stuff. The other players are just jealous p***ys who wish they had the ability to cheat.

Aeropause: Do you have a girlfriend?

Schmuck5000: What kind of freaking question is that for this kind of interview? How does me having a girlfriend relate to cheating? (AP: We will take that as a NO!)

Aeropause: What made you decide to mod your Xbox to gain an unfair advantage in games like Halo 2?

Schmuck5000: Modding is not an unfair advantage. There is just as much chance that there will be a modder on the other team. I am there to even things out. Halo 2 is beginning to get old, us modders are just making it more funner.

Aeropause: Do you get some kind of good feeling when a game is over and everyone is the room is calling you every cuss word known to man?
Schmuck5000: I tend to ignore those people, they bitch and morn about how I cheated but they could have modded their box just like mine. If you want to start complaining to me them don’t bother I have better things to do.

Aeropause: How many times have you been banned or suspended from gaming servers?

Schmuck5000: Wow, I have been kicked of XBL at least 10 times, I have to be careful now because there are no more 2 month cards floating around. The people at Bungie are the worst. How can they complain about people like me. They should have built a anti-cheating engine in the game to prevent it. Its not my fault that modders cheat.

Aeropause: Cheaters are mainly made up of people who lack the dexterity to play the game honestly. Did your inability to play the games well in the first place lead you to begin cheating?

Schmuck5000: I can play each and every game I cheat at very well. I will own anyone on the battlefield even without a mod, Believe It ! - (AP: Is that a Naruto reference?)

Aeropause: The rise of online gaming has had its share of hurdles and one of the greatest hurdles is getting rid of cheaters such as yourself. What advice would you give game designers to help discourage cheaters?

Schmuck5000: Give Up! There is no way to stop us. Everyone wants to cheat and we will always find a way to do it. Anyone reading this is simply jealous of the fact that I have enough nuts to cheat and play the game the way I want to.

Aeropause: Everyone online including myself see you as the scum of online gaming. How do you respond to that?

Schmuck5000: Like I give a flying F**k what other gamers think about me. As long as there are games there will be cheaters, why should I stop if no one else does, as far as I see it I am evening out the playing field!

I would like to say thank you to Schmuck5000 for letting us in on how utterly dumb and senseless the mind of a cheater can be. I am sure all our faithful Aeropausians would like to give you some kind messages within our comments section. (Please keep remarks at about a fifth grade level so he can read them, and please be tactful)

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  • DH

    By: Lam at September 20, 2006 06:27 AM

    “You’re all bitching about the guy, but the truth is he’s doing what the software allows him to do. In real world if I don’t close my flat’s door, no insurance company is going to pay me for my stolen furniture and electronics, because it’s my responsibility to protect my property from thieves not using tanks to enter my place.

    The same is with computer software. You can’t blame a guy for exploiting the flawed design of a game or hardware it’s being run on. It doesn’t really matter why is he doing it. Fix the client and the server to disallow known cheats, otherwise I’ll just laugh at your face when you call him a loser.”

    dude, you are even more stupid than he is

  • MooDy

    cheaters everywhere .. bf2 l3 etc …
    they still suck though … beleive it !

  • Yahoo


  • Malix

    my take:

    * Gold Farmers:
    - To the a-hole who thinks its better to have them… Gold farmers screw up an econonmy that is intended to be managed by the hardworking gamers who take the time to level their “own” characters. You are just as far left as those people who think it is wrong to take care of the border in the southern united states.

    * Cheaters:
    - I have cheated on games that i have already have beaten, yet, not online. I believe those who cheat are not honest people. They shouldnt be playing a game that is too difficult for them to have to use an unfair advantage against the other players. Just because you have no life, doesnt mean you have a license to kill a game.

    * Hackers, Crackers, Spammers and handjackers:
    - Illegal. Its just as bad as stealing a dvd player from your local walmart. Spam and virus’ occur from these a-holes and cost our pocketbooks millions of dollars each year in taxes. I should know, i used to work for the geek squad, and found that inicent, hardworking people have lost valuable family/freind photos, there identity, credit card numbers and even their personal lives.

    That is all…

  • XBox live name:killertalty

    i will definatly own u shmuck… i dont give a shizzle if ur der der der or not… u stil have to cheat to win games. and u dont have to cheat to make it fun. just get a few friends (wich u dont have)and make a party and create ur own game dumbfuhizzle. my work here is done.


    p.s. add me to ur friends list

  • bakafoot654

    i know that i am not the greatest at any given game, hell, i’ll even go as far as to say i’m one of the worst at times, but that still doesn’t give me the right to hack, no one has the right to hack, if you hack, you are a dickless looser who still lives in your mother’s basement and probablly cries yourself to sleep every night with teddy bear in one hand, and your thumb in your mouth. Grow up and lear to face society, there is alwase going to be someone better than you, alwase. so insted of compensateing and pissing us off, go find a game that more suits your mental capacity, i hear that my cousin with down syndrome loves Dragon quest. just an idea.

    Stupid people deserve to die in retrospect,
    With much love,
    Baka foot654

  • Kennedy

    “funner” ;)

  • *…*

    that guy sucks but no need to be so harsh
    I personally think cheating on an online game is evil
    but after I beat almost any single player game
    I cheat and get everything I wanted while playing
    as a response to half of you
    1 spammers,hackers,thieves,and cheaters kinda suck
    (with the exception of hackers in that it is an incorrect term hacker means to hack at a keyboard until it does what you want, mostly programing.
    cracker is the correct term for some one who does
    bad thing that hurt other people or are illegal) but none of them save thieves and really bad crackers need to be put in jail
    spammers are just annoying.
    2 I am a game programmer (well i prefer systems programing but games are fun too) I don’t care if someone cheats at a game I make. you don’t have to play them its good they’re having fun (why we make the games) I would prefer it not be at other players expense but if they try to cheat me then I will logout and play some single player game or log into another server or have a real life.
    3 your all ignoring the real problem here
    WHATS WITH ALL THE NARUTO REFRENSES really that stupidest show American version or other wise it is the worst thing I have ever seen (er second worst I have seen some of windows code [shudder])any one who has seen real anime will agree with me but most real anime isn’t released in the US\UK\where ever you are from that is not japan..

  • Human

    Wow. Because of people like him, I tend to be the host so I can kick his kind out.

    LOL!!! “more funner”

  • 1aw

    pass legislation saying that non compliance with the game EULA can result in a stipulary fine, that is sent out automatically. that would disuade cheaters from doing it surely.

  • perfect cheater

    I love cheating. Not to boost my stats or win anything (those are just bonuses), I cheat to ruin your day, to pi** you off, to make you slam your controller and wish you never bought the game. That is where I draw my satisfaction from. I get a warm feeling just thinkin about it. Call me what you will I really could care less, because ill never stop. See you on the battlefield, I’ll be the one owning you and smiling the whole time.

  • losers cheat


  • Anotherface

    Hmmmm I’m not sure but the word “Funner”…

    Wow 24 years old, and a complete dumbass. Now only if he would put some effort into his daily life, just like he does cheating, he might get far. Oh nevermind. My guess is he’s a 24 year old central texan, snacking on his Burger King, Jack in the Box, and tub of ice cream, while developing carpel tunnel syndrome. Then in a few years, he’ll have to write to Richard Simmons asking him for help to lose weight. Ah another Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, (insert shitty talk show name here) candidate.

  • acharis

    I have no problem cheating on a solo game, more often than not, its just that you dont have enough time to play through the losing part of the game and would just want to go through it cleanly. How many times can you fall over a dashing cliff with random behavior before you get pissed and drop it. But for team or network gaming, thats playing with people, and your not cheating the game anymore, your cheating the people, and that sucks. ive played starcraft once, he was so cheat that all of the experts in our pub were just about to place their 4 zealot and he has carrier already. We’re not dumb players, infact were local tourney winners, but to be shocked like hell, that you bring your group of marines over for a good marine medic rush, or a zergling rush and be surprised with carriers is just f*!@!king stup!d. i hope he dies soon lame ass worthless peace of crap

  • KingCharming

    Ok, I can’t understand why they should cheat. Its no fun. The fun part of the game is gone then, but ppl, dont call all ppl cheaters if they are good. I play counter-strike: source, and I have ben called cheater evry fucking day. and he say we dont have balls 2 cheat, well, someone wants too play real. I dont mind ppl send me a e-mail or 2=

  • lunker48324

    The best way to foil cheaters is to have a big list of friends and only play arranged games. Take your ball and go home so-to-speak.

  • Shadow stalker

    *grabs energy sword and battle rifle*

    Bring it on jack ass! although i just got the game a while ago (not even for xbox but for vista) i can kick your ASS ASShole! daz right

  • penny

    I have seen my fair share of morons and the like. Tiffany Pendants

  • Xbox Cheater

    As someone who enjoys cheating I never take it online. I will only go for a single player game cheats. When I cheat it is for me and me alone. As dumb as he is though he does have a point. As long as there are games there will be cheaters.

  • Ling

    wow! It is amazing.
    Continue to work hard

  • Modern Furniture

    Great interview!

  • Guest

    oh um WOW can i say that SOME people take games too far! played Halo didnt like it i like my little grid based flash games but hey what ever gets your jollies off

    and as for cheating….well im sorry i would cheat in a heartbeat if i could get away with it lol but you cant….*sad face* evony is too well watched

  • Best web hosting company

    What a Interview and he has explained everything very clearly and confidentially. It's great for me to know this type of information through this interview.

  • Roszondas3

    hmm.. i cheat. just not on online games, modded servers, with premium abilities. >.> seems fine to me. and i cant even get banned anyways. since its not me whos using 3rd party software. its the server. i think you just found the worst example of a hacker. :P but. it was an entertaining article. thanks!