An Interview With A Cheater

By Richard Windsor | September 15, 2006

About 2 weeks ago I popped Halo 2 into my 360 and started playing some Big Team Battle. The very first game I played in I got modded, a.k.a. cheated on, by a guy whom we will refer to as ‘Schmuck5000′. After the game was over I asked him if he would agree to do an interview for Aeropause. At first he thought it was just a joke but I eventually got him to message me his e-mail. I then sent him an e-mail interview to fill out. What is written below is completely unedited from what I received from Schmuck5000. Please excuse any spelling or grammar errors. I thought it was important to show the intelligence of cheaters. I am very surprised that he e-mailed me back the answers. Some of the questions were fairly harsh.

Aeropause: How old are you and where are you from?

Schmuck5000: I am 24 years old and I live in central Texas.

Aeropause: Besides Halo 2 are there any other games at which you cheat?

Schmuck5000: I play BF2 and some Counter Strike. I cheat at both but it’s hard to get away with in Counter Strike. People who play CS are such babies about that stuff. The other players are just jealous p***ys who wish they had the ability to cheat.

Aeropause: Do you have a girlfriend?

Schmuck5000: What kind of freaking question is that for this kind of interview? How does me having a girlfriend relate to cheating? (AP: We will take that as a NO!)

Aeropause: What made you decide to mod your Xbox to gain an unfair advantage in games like Halo 2?

Schmuck5000: Modding is not an unfair advantage. There is just as much chance that there will be a modder on the other team. I am there to even things out. Halo 2 is beginning to get old, us modders are just making it more funner.

Aeropause: Do you get some kind of good feeling when a game is over and everyone is the room is calling you every cuss word known to man?

Schmuck5000: I tend to ignore those people, they bitch and morn about how I cheated but they could have modded their box just like mine. If you want to start complaining to me them don’t bother I have better things to do.

Aeropause: How many times have you been banned or suspended from gaming servers?

Schmuck5000: Wow, I have been kicked of XBL at least 10 times, I have to be careful now because there are no more 2 month cards floating around. The people at Bungie are the worst. How can they complain about people like me. They should have built a anti-cheating engine in the game to prevent it. Its not my fault that modders cheat.

Aeropause: Cheaters are mainly made up of people who lack the dexterity to play the game honestly. Did your inability to play the games well in the first place lead you to begin cheating?

Schmuck5000: I can play each and every game I cheat at very well. I will own anyone on the battlefield even without a mod, Believe It ! - (AP: Is that a Naruto reference?)

Aeropause: The rise of online gaming has had its share of hurdles and one of the greatest hurdles is getting rid of cheaters such as yourself. What advice would you give game designers to help discourage cheaters?

Schmuck5000: Give Up! There is no way to stop us. Everyone wants to cheat and we will always find a way to do it. Anyone reading this is simply jealous of the fact that I have enough nuts to cheat and play the game the way I want to.

Aeropause: Everyone online including myself see you as the scum of online gaming. How do you respond to that?

Schmuck5000: Like I give a flying F**k what other gamers think about me. As long as there are games there will be cheaters, why should I stop if no one else does, as far as I see it I am evening out the playing field!

I would like to say thank you to Schmuck5000 for letting us in on how utterly dumb and senseless the mind of a cheater can be. I am sure all our faithful Aeropausians would like to give you some kind messages within our comments section. (Please keep remarks at about a fifth grade level so he can read them, and please be tactful)